my schoolmates called me najwani, or naj in short.
and some called me wanie.
too much things happened at school.
but most of it are pains.
lots of memory i wish that i can forget, even i cant though.
i hate living to be positive all the time.
being positive has deceived myself, badly.
at that time, i really wish i can start all over.
i wanna be a new person.
and i got an offer to study in uitm penang.
i was happy.
"yes, this is the time to change"
that's what i told to myself.
it was hard, at first.
i don't wanna make friends.
i cant trust people around me.
i was scared if i get hurt by people called friends.
i prefer to be a loner.
in uitm penang, my roommate in semester one called me najwa,
even though i tell them my name is najwani.
however, its comfortable for me.
different identity, different name, and i try to be a different person.
kinda hard to get along with people when i originally don't wanna make friends.
but, being alone, far from family, these things make me concern bout friends.
luckily, i have an awesome friends.
time by time, i get to know more people.
i get to make more friends.
but, at some point, the old memory, the pain comes again.
remind me that i shouldn't have friends.
and when i told this thing to my friend, she was disappointed.
by that time i realize,
i already have friends. why i should think about the past again and again
my new friends have been so nice to me.
and finally i can adapt my heart to appoint new person as friends.
and now, i already finished five semester.
i know that i already change.
i'm not the old najwani.
i am najwa.
najwa that loves all her friends just like sisters.
i'm happy to have them as friends.
my schoolmates, my classmate, my housemate, all of you who accept me as your friend.
i'm really thankful for having you as friends.
friends keep me alive and i love you so much.
however, i miss the old me, the old days, the old relationship.
